SCREAM!!!!!
maybe i just need to go for a walk, of course i think of this NOW and not 5 HRS AGO.... sigh.
things annoy me.... i know BIG flipping surprise right? but really, they do and i dont always know how to deal with those things. I wanted to be up in Saint Cloud today to well, help clean up and to hang out with Jake and well, that did not happen. So, i am at home and irritable cause i need to be with someone other then mom and caleb, i start wiping the lappy to put vista, ubuntu and OS X (stress is involved when Win or Apple is mentioned... they are both a thorn in my side....) in order to lose my self and to keep from getting really ticked off but, it is not helping at all. it builds and builds and has no outlet. i dont want to be were i am at but, i wont do what is needed to escape. i dont know why i should cause i will fail, i am good at that! if it is not a computer, i will break it (or the equivalent) and yeah, i already know what your gonna say so just dont say it... yes i do know! your gonna say "get over it"... whatever ok, just, whatever.... why get over it? how? rrgg...
i cant give up. i wish i knew who i was. my friends dont really live in my computer and that is depressing. i am a christian and will act as such, i will fight the desire to be passed out drunk, i want to be... high, off my friends that is.
why cant i get lost in my computers???? what the heck is wrong???? its friday and as usual i am home with family (i love my fam dont get me wrong) and it dont feel right and all i am doing is babbling with no real form right now and i think i need to stop yet i would rather not and i am not really sure.
going weeks between seeing friends is so frustrating for me right know cause i just want someone to "walk" with me cause everything feels like real crap right now.
i just need to stop

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